Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
