so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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