So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
