Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
