I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
me + whiskey = a bad person
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
