I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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