I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
