Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i would punch a child for taco bell
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
