Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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