Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
