Whod you bang
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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