dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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