I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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