I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
