we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
