some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
