I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
