So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
