New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
