Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
