If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
