Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
