i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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