I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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