I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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