My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Let's get the cat blown out
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
