I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
