to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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