so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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