Can Purell be used as lube?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
