if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
