Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
