I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
