Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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