What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
