Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
