if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
