I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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