direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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