I faked an abortion last night.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
