Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
