it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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