well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
