Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
