ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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