He asked to "fluff my boner.."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
