Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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