why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
