i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
