aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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