just come out here and I will go home with you...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You can't special order awesome
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
