Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
